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Is Your Brokenness Your Own?

Read about how we can reflect other people's brokenness in our lives and start carrying it as our own.

I had the privilege of having a good friend of mine come over from Spain. This was the Lord's way of pulling me aside and allowing me to slow down from the chaos of the day-to-day.

We found ourselves in this beautiful field in the north of Hertfordshire. It was a green landscape filled with colourful trees, sheep and horses in the distance and a picturesque lake in the very centre of the image. I was standing inside this small hut made of glass, looking out into the horizon and standing in silence in order that I may connect with the Holy Spirit.

I want to be like glass: pure and clear.

It was quite cold outside so that hut did help protect me a little, and whilst I was looking out through the glass, I noticed one panel was shattered. It had a large shattered shape on it and although the glass was still standing, the crack was quite distracting.

I realised: I want to be like glass. Pure and clear, only there as a midway to show the beauty and light of Jesus.

Unfortunately though, if that glass is shattered, all you see are the cracks and brokenness. And sometimes, others’ brokenness is reflected in our smoothness and we mistake it as our own. But that's not always the case. If you see brokenness within you that is exactly the same as your friends or family, take a closer look, is it truly your brokenness or is it theirs merely reflected in you? Perhaps you need to see yourself for what you truly are.

As a teenager, I had quite a few friends I hung around with who were exceptionally insecure, battling true demons: low self-esteem, depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm and so much more! One in particular had such dark habits of mistreating her own body, lacking trust in anyone and constantly at fear of being exposed. Without realising, over time, I started feeling the same things, I started questioning people's intent of me when before I was maybe too trusting of everyone! I then also started to self-harm for things I felt guilty about, punishing myself because I saw it in her and something made me reflect that behaviour.

Is it truly your brokenness you carry or is it theirs merely reflected in you?

Of course, with God's love and grace, He brought me out of it all and freed me, and to this day I still can't believe the lies I believed about myself. But what I didn't realise until long after is that this friend affected me greatly. I became just like that glass, only instead of focusing on displaying only Christ through me as clearly as possible, I allowed the reflection of a close-by shattered piece of glass to appear in me. And with time, I started believing those issues were my own. It's possible that even my friend was initially reflecting from her own past experiences, and continued in those habits for so long that the cracks became real!

If you are broken, allow God to come in and fill each shattered piece for he wants you to be less of your broken self and let you shine in the fullness He created in you. And the more full, clear and invisible you are like the glass, the more beautiful you will be remembered because you will reflect His beauty at a constant rate: something you can never carry alone. That beauty speaks and shows things you can never imagine: instead of being a painting that is set and limited in its beauty, you're a piece of crystal glass, one that allows God to change and uplift and display all forms of colours, times, styles, so much so you will never be bored.

Take a look at what you see as 'broken' within you

I encourage you today to look at what you see as 'broken' within you. Is it your identity? Your security? Your way of thinking? Your hopes/dreams? And ask God to help you look into the roots of that brokenness, where did they come from, where did they start? Was there anyone around you at the time it all started that may have influenced you? If so, first of all, forgive them. Holding grudges or resentment toward that person will not protect you from reflecting them, if anything it'll just add more stains. Try to understand that every person's journey has a beginning and any negative effect on us is not always intentional. Then let the Holy Spirit guide you through the Word of God on how you can live a life here on out completely free.

But if you find that that brokenness is completely your own, and that maybe you've affected others along the way too, again, you can repent to the Lord today and ask Him to wash you clean and wash the others. And don't be discouraged, no matter the depth or size of that brokenness, there is nothing too hard for the Lord! Start the journey with the Lord Jesus to fill those cracks and return you to your full, crystal-clear self in Him.


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