Read this post every time the enemy of low self-esteem and self-doubt hits again. Find your weapons right here, and win!
I wrote this post while on holiday a few weeks ago. I believe the Spirit truly inspired me in the moment. And for the sake of genuineness, I'm not going to edit a word, for I believe it speaks in truthfulness and sincerity. I hope it helps you as the Lord helped me whilst writing it:
I’m on the beach in La Manga, the south of Spain, and my head got suddenly clouded with doubts and insecurities and fears. Desires to be like other girls started flooding my mind, or even just the longing to be different, full stop.
Frustration is what first hit today. And hit hard. All because I can’t believe I'm still hearing these thoughts so loudly. As I walked on the beach, the waves shushed any stranger’s conversations with their push and pull. I treaded carefully on the rocky side, slipping gently through the cracks.
A crab sat on a rock in front of me. It was small and seemingly insignificant: it knew how to camouflage itself with the colour of the rock really well.
I stared at it with tears slowly pouring onto my cheeks. I leaned down and asked him, ‘How do you hold on so well?’ Each wave kept bashing itself against him, throwing saltwater onto its back: ferociously beating him, strike after strike. And yet, he remained unmoved.
Eventually, the crab found just the right window when the water pulled back to run. It found itself a safe spot under some algae and hid inside.
‘How do you hold on so well?’
What I’m facing makes me think of that large umbrella we bring to the beach and how much trouble we go through putting it up, hoping it stays firm. Yet over again the wind keeps coming and picking it up from the sand, flailing it about on its back. My job remained to grab it again (just like my self-esteem) and dig it back into the ground. And no matter how many times it happened, I can't do anything else other than go after it, pick it up and dig it back into the ground: the same routine with the hope each time that that will be the last.
Sometimes we think that if our self-esteem comes out of the ground that means it erases everything you went through or that it negates how far you‘ve come. But that’s not true. Yes it‘s a repetitive process but eventually you will find a type of sand that doesn’t fly so easily. A ground where you can mix in rocks in order that no matter the current; it will not be shaken.
That is what I’ve discovered. Its hard to take, but certainly will change your perspective for the better.
If you have had battles with low self-esteem, this topic will ALWAYS be different for you. It will always be something that was added to you and didn’t grow naturally, like it may have with others.
If you have had battles with low self-esteem, this topic will ALWAYS be different for you.
So stop trying to think like others. Even the hope that eventually your esteem will be like theirs is meaningless— it won’t. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s any less important or powerful. Or that it plays its role a little worse for you. That’s not true. In fact, it’ll most likely stand so much stronger because it is ready for whatever comes, and unlike some natural roots that can still be pulled up and out by the hurricanes, yours won’t. Because you would have prepared. You’ve been working on the depth of its roots for years, so it has had more attention paid to its structural details than someone who never even considered the topic. Someone whose self--esteem has always come naturally is perhaps going to struggle more when changes come, because they’re not used to that structure shaking. But you are. It’s been shaking your whole life, so you have much more confidence that you can get through it.
Be patient with yourself. Today was just another gust of wind that pulled you out. But take what you have left of it and plant it back down into the ground. Yes, again.
Maybe after this time it will be much harder for it to fly off. And if it isn’t, that’s okay too. It’s a process, and God never expected you to be perfect from the moment he freed you. He didn’t take away your self esteem like an old house that you sold to him and now he will give you a new one replanted and all new, repainted and furnished.
God never expected you to be perfect from the moment he freed you.
Instead, being delivered rather means giving him the keys to that old house, so that slowly, you can come back -- together -- and fix it. Bit by bit you will repaint each room, clean the floors, empty out the junk. It just means He will help you replenish and renew. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be days where you will look inside and think: wow, there is so much work to be done. Wow I feel like we haven’t made any progress. And yes there are even times when we want to just leave and get a new house altogether. But unfortunately that does not make us strong in Christ. That is not the identity Jesus promised us. We need to press on to obtain what Jesus prepared for us (Phil 3:12).
Philippians 3:21 speaks of how He will transform our lowly bodies into one like His. Keep your head up and remember our citizenship is in heaven. You are not of this world so stop trying to conform to it. Stop trying to please what this world think is beautiful. You are strong and courageous— you have an authority that this world cannot deny or diminish.
You are not of this world so stop trying to conform to it.
Keep living every day to what you’ve already attained (Phil 3:16). Remember what you’ve learnt, how far you’ve come with Christ and the level at which you are— be confident in that and act according to it. You are no longer who you once were.
Be like the crab and hold on. One more wave and you may just find that safe spot you’ve been waiting for.
Pray this prayer in these weaker moments:
When I’m not strong, Jesus, be strong for me.
When I can’t hold on, you hold me.
When I don’t see anything valuable in myself, you see everything.
When I can’t love myself, you love me.
As Louie Giglio says in his series 'Battlefield of the Mind', the minute we allow those thoughts to come in and take over, we are giving the enemy a seat at our table*. The table that is supposed to be reserved just for us and Jesus.
Remember:
1. Analyse the thought.
Where is it coming from?
Does it fit with the word of God?
Bind it in the name of Jesus.
2. Then proclaim:
I am fearfully and WONDERFULLY made!
I am made, therefore I have a purpose.
I cannot be replaced or erased.
I proclaim God’s true word and promises over myself. I am enough, with Jesus inside me, I am more than enough.
The cross has the final word: I am a person of great value to God -- greater love has no man than this, that while I was still a sinner, He chose to die.
If the cross decided I was worth dying for even whilst still a sinner, then I have a value within that no man or demon can deny.
Amen!
*Battlefield of the Mind is a series of sermons by Louie Giglio that can be found online. Start listening here.